


More Than Words

by HPFandom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance, Self-Harm, Sexual Content, Slash, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-07-14
Updated: 2005-07-14
Packaged: 2018-10-01 01:33:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10177613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HPFandom_archivist/pseuds/HPFandom_archivist
Summary: Companion piece to ‘Beyond Redemption’: a look into how Remus would have felt over/dealt with Severus’ overdosing on his potions. [set on the same day as chapter26 was and relates with the incidents from previous chapters.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from SeparatriX, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [HP Fandom](http://fanlore.org/wiki/HP_Fandom_\(archive\)), which was closed for health and financial reasons. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [HP Fandom collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hpfandom/profile).

** More Than Words **   
**_A Beyond Redemption Side-Story_ **   
_By CS WhiteWolf_

\- - -

For this Story:

**Rating(s)** : R-Rated.  
 **Pairing(s)** : Severus Snape/ Remus Lupin.  
 **Warning(s)** : Mentions of Solvent Abuse and Trichotillomania. 

**A/N** : This is written as a thank-you to everyone on HPFandom for getting us to the 200review mark and beyond! And to everyone on The Silver Snitch for getting us past the 100review mark! Everyone who reviews(/has ever reviewed) Beyond Redemption- you guys rock, we thank you all for sticking with us, it means a lot to us!

This side story is set on the same day as chapter26 was and relates with the incidents from previous chapters. It’s a look into how Remus would have felt over/dealt with Severus’ overdosing on his potions. Enjoy all.

\- - -

**S** everus all but collapsed into his desk chair, the leather seat creaking slightly as he shifted forward, resting his elbows on the desk before him and cradling his head in his hands. Safely ensconced within his private chambers, Severus felt the day’s stresses lessening slightly as he ran his hands through his hair, wincing at the tender flesh of his scalp was pressed by his questing fingers. 

He supposed it was lucky that the lighting in the dungeons was so low and dull; else those in his classes may have noticed that he wasn’t exactly looking his best at the moment- despite the fact his hair was cleaner than it usually was for a mid-week class, the sheer ashen complexion he now sported from his overdose gave him a decidedly sickened appearance that outdid everything else remotely decent about him. 

He pressed at the tender areas of abused flesh once again, a spark of masochistic pleasure shooting through him at the hurt. Though he resisted the urge to curl his fingers into claws and rake them across his scalp- tugging and ripping at his hair as he’d done not so long ago, he had no such qualms about taking said fingers and allowing them to press and rub at his already reddened eyes. The pads of his fingers pushing against his eyelids, pressing in as far as he dared go and rubbing, rubbing at the itch that started up and would not end until he removed his hands. 

Spots of greyscale danced before his mind’s eyes as he held still, simply pressing and resisting before he rubbed his hands across his whole face, nails scratching minutely at his sallow skin. He winced as he brushed against his nose, the area still raw and sensitive from his solvent abuse and looking to take a while in healing completely. He sighed out through his mouth, his nose still too sensitive to try using it in such a way. It hurt even to smell at something too strong; too pungent- his potions classes this morning had been murder in themselves as he tried not to breath too deeply and too much. 

At least the little brats had been silent- both classes- though the migraine he had once again developed not long through his period two class may have given them pause with any ideas of mischief making- one look at the severity of Severus’ expression had them ducking their heads and working as diligently as they were capable of doing. Despite their best efforts not to draw the Potions Master’s attention, both classes- with the exception of the Slytherins, of course- had lost more points in one day than they had ever managed before. 

A wry smile touched Severus’ lips; the only bright spot on what had ultimately been a horrid and pain-riddled day for him. The second bright spot being that his afternoon was free from classes, the time he fully intended to use curled up in his bedroom trying not to exist. It would be less painful for him than anything else, he was sure. 

His hands ran up his face once more, fully intent on threading through his dark hair were it not for the hand that suddenly grasped at his thin wrist. Severus jerked his arm automatically, his head snapping up to look in shock at the person daring to have entered his chambers. The hand holding his wrist held fast, the burning amber-brown gaze of Remus Lupin boring into Severus’ obsidian orbs.

“You didn’t even hear me come in,” Remus said simply, his voice deceptively calm. Severus tensed further. His face becoming devoid of all emotion even as he felt the hairs on the back of his neck rising. 

Suppressing the shiver intent on creeping down his spine, Severus twisted his wrist out from Remus’ strong grip, pushing himself to his feet and in doing so forcing Remus to back up a step and two, his pose becoming suddenly less imposing and claustrophobic to the Potions Master, though not by much. 

“Lupin,” Severus greeted after a long moment of staring at each other, of waiting for the other to speak first. He wetted his lips, his voice tight and more than a little hoarse from the abuse his throat had suffered from a mere two days ago- and was still suffering from, “To what do I owe your visiting?” 

Severus watched as the werewolf’s gaze darkened slightly, “The pleasure of your company, Severus,” Remus said with a growl to his tone. “Come sit, we have much to discuss,” He stepped back, allowing Severus the room he needed to make his way over to his black leather sofa. 

The Potions Master straightened, but he did not obey.

“I’d rather not. If it’s all the same to you, Lupin,” He dropped his gaze to the desk before him, ignoring the itch in his eyes as he scanned the litter of parchments scattered across the hardwood surface, from the half-marked, red-smeared essays he’d yet to finish, to homework assignments built up from his absence. 

Remus bristled, his gaze turning a golden-amber, “It is all the same to me, Severus.”

Severus looked up, meeting the werewolf’s gaze, his face shuttered of all emotion where Remus’ revealed his barely constrained irritation. 

“I don’t see any reason for me to comply with your wishes, Lupin, I have much to do today and would,-”

“Lucius told me what happened.” The werewolf interrupted, watching as Severus tensed, his words stopping mid-sentence, eyes flashing briefly with shock before blanking once more. 

He cleared his throat awkwardly, “When did you speak with Lucius?” 

“When he came back to clean your rooms.” 

“You were here?” Severus asked, radiating trepidation and nervousness that only one with senses as sharp as a werewolf’s would be able to pick up on.

Remus was growling low in his throat, an unconscious gesture he thought not to control as he stared at his lover, “I was here,” he replied, watching as Severus shifted, turning to look anywhere but at Remus. Silence dominated the air between them for a long moment. 

“Well?” Remus eventually spoke. 

Severus gave a half-sigh, seemingly more of irritation than anything else, “Well what? What do you want me to tell you, Lupin?”

“How about you start by telling me what the hell happened down here?” 

“It’s none of your business.” 

“None of my business?” Remus all but snarled, unable to believe that Severus had just spoken such words to him. He had been here, he had seen the state of Severus’ rooms, seen and smelt- the rancid tang of solvents seeping into everything, offending his senses, his delicate sense of smell, his eyes sharp in piercing together more or less what had transpired. 

He’d arrived late into the night, or perhaps early into the morning would be the best way to put it. He’d been up most the night consoling Harry who after being dismissed early from his detention had sought out Remus’ company. They had spent barely an hour together it seemed before Harry’s scar gave a burst of pain, pushing the boy to his knees with a cry of pain upon his lips, ragged nails trying to rake the cursed scar from his face. 

The pain had not lasted as long as it usually did, so Harry had claimed, but even though it had lessened to a more manageable level, he was able to tell Remus that the Dark Lord was not in a happy mood at all. Through their link, Harry had deduced that Voldemort was both angry and scared over something and that with his emotions so uncontrolled and high, Harry himself was able to feel what the Dark Lord did at this particular moment in time. 

Remus had held Harry as spikes of pain still shot through the boy’s head, tucking him into his own bed even though he knew it was impromptu for a student to spend the night in a teacher’s quarters. He’d managed to dig out a Dreamless Sleep potion, sitting with Harry until the boy had drifted off into the land of nod. Then he’d donned his shoes and made his way towards the fireplace and the pot of floo-powder that awaited him there. 

Flooing into Severus’ rooms, Remus was hit immediately by the strong scents of noxious smelling solvents, he could vaguely make out the mixing clouds of substances mixing with each other as they spread out over the room. With watering eyes he had stumbled from the fireplace, quickly taking in the scene of destruction before him. Severus was not there. He’d just entered his lover’s bedroom however when none other than Lucius Malfoy floo’d into the room, looking rather rumpled as he stepped from the fireplace. 

Both men had tensed upon spotting the other, they had stood, staring at each other, sizing the other up for what seemed an eternity before the elder Malfoy looked away, his shoulders slumping minutely in an uncharacteristic display of weakness. 

Remus said nothing, knowing that Lucius would speak when ready, knowing that the man before him had the answers he sought. Remus could smell the lingering scents of potions and blood on Lucius. The man had passed these rooms before. Remus began growling softly in his throat, thinking the worst and wondering just what Lucius Malfoy had to do about it all. 

“He’s alright,” Lucius looked up to meet Remus’ eyes briefly before pushing past him and entering into Severus’ main chambers. Remus followed him, watching as the elder Malfoy immediately set about spelling the rooms as clean as possible. 

Remus had helped, using an airing spell to rid the room of its obnoxious odour and allowing him the ability to breathe a little more freely. They worked in silence, each doing his best to make sure Severus’ rooms were as clean and ‘evidence-free’ as Remus thought it, of whatever had transpired down here.

It was a long while before Lucius- finally out of finding meaningless tasks to occupy himself with- turned to face Remus once more. Neither deigned to sit or offer any other such pleasantries to the other, each feeling that Severus’ rooms were of their own domain also, but both knowing that the other thought the same way. 

“He overdosed,” Lucius’ icy gaze bore into Remus who- at hearing the man’s words- felt as though his heart had just lodged itself into his throat and had no plans of leaving anytime soon. 

“Why?” Remus growled out, taking his time at processing the blond aristocrat’s words. 

“We are unsure as of yet.” 

“The blood?” 

“It’s not Severus’,”

Remus bristled, “I know that,” he sniffed subtly at the air, catching the scent of sweet, young blood. It wasn’t Severus, not all of it at least- he knew the man’s scent inside out.

“It is not of importance to you.” 

“It is if it relates to Severus in any way.” 

Lucius’ grip on his cane tightened fractionally, the leather gloves he’d still had time to don despite looking decidedly unkempt, making a barely audible squeak against the cane.

“My son’s,” Lucius finally spoke, his jaw clenched tightly as if resentful of having to speak such words. Remus could almost taste the worry and fear emitting from the usually composed man; he nodded as if that explained it all. And it did, for it’s part- Remus was well aware, and only partly through Severus, of the younger Malfoy’s problems. 

“Severus?” 

“Critical. He swallowed one of his solvents. Throat closed on him but we managed to force it open again, it’s raw and bleeding. His nose is in a similar state. Blood on his hands from raking through his hair.” 

Remus nodded his head again, wetting his lips slightly despite the dryness of his mouth and tongue, “When can I expect him returned?” 

Lucius’ gaze softened minutely, “I am unsure, he is in need of a lot of rest and recuperation.” Saying that he reached into his cloak to withdraw a starched piece of parchment, with what looked to be a hastily scribbled note in Severus’ handwriting. 

“For Dumbledore?” Lucius nodded. 

“It explains Draco’s absence also.” They stood staring at each other again before the gently chiming of a clock indicating the early morning hour struck. 

“I must return,” Lucius turned on his heel, heading into Severus’ bedroom, hesitating before the fireplace a moment before turning to Severus’ bedside draw and withdrawing the bear the Potions Master kept there. 

Remus stood in the doorway, watching silently, a growl suppressed as he witnessed Malfoy’s actions. 

“Before you go,” Remus stepped into the room. Lucius paused, “Your master knows?”

“He is most displeased,”

Remus, though glad at the confirmation, ignored the blonde’s answer. “I will be informed if his condition worsens.” He said instead, his tone brooking no argument. Lucius bowed his head slightly before turning to the fireplace and disappearing in a whoosh of blue flames, leaving Remus to sit heavily on Severus’ bed, his hand groping for a pillow to hug to his chest as he stared sightlessly into the glowing embers of the fire, Severus’ scent filling his nostrils. 

 

“I don’t want to argue,” Severus’ voice permeated his thoughts, drawing Remus back to the present.

“Then we won’t argue.” 

Severus shook his head, “It won’t be that simple.” 

“Just promise me you won’t do it again,” 

“I can’t do that,” 

“You can.” Remus insisted, folding his arms.

Severus glared at the werewolf, “I won’t promise,” 

“Now we’re getting somewhere, Severus.” Remus returned with his own glare. 

“I’m really not in the mood for this, Remus,” Severus slumped, rubbing lightly at his eyes, he itch returning, vying for dominance against the pounding in his head and the aching of both his nose and throat. 

Remus’ frame softened slightly, “Why did you do it, Severus?” He asked, but the man ignored him, refusing to answer. Remus posed the question to him again, receiving nothing more than a glare in response. 

“Severus…” 

“I don’t have to explain myself to you, Lupin!” The Potions Master finally snapped, ignoring the grating in his throat- so did Remus.

“No? I think I deserve an explanation as to why you’d want to top yourself!”

“I wasn’t trying to kill myself.” Severus straightened, a muscle twitching in his jaw.

“That’s not how it looks to me,” 

“Damnit, Remus! I am not having this conversation with you.” 

“You never want to have this conversation with me, but I damn well think it’s time we did!” 

Severus turned away from him, taking deep breathes in through his mouth, trying to calm himself, knowing that getting himself worked up in this was would in no way help his condition.

The only sound between them was the sounds of their harsh breathing trying to be controlled as they calmed themselves.

“You’re not doing it anymore,” Remus finally spoke.

Severus looked up, eyes narrowed, “I beg your pardon?” 

“The potions, the solvents, I don’t want- you’re not doing them anymore,” 

“I hardly think it’s your place to decide what I can and can’t do.” 

“It is when you’re obviously incapable of making such decisions yourself!”

“I am a grown man, Lupin, I assure you I am fully capable of making my own decisions,” Remus bristled but Severus continues, “If I wan’t to sniff potions,” He said quietly, “Then I will sniff potions. If I want to squirt them down my throat,” he continued, moving to open the drawer of his desk, pulling out a small bottle of some vivid red liquid, “Then I will squirt them down my throat. And there is nothing you can do about it.” 

His gaze never left Remus’ throughout his whole speech, which made his final words feel all the more like a slap in the face to the werewolf. 

With defiant eyes, Severus tugged almost viciously at the corked stopper- wrenching it from the vial and tossing it across the room, not needing to look at the vial to know that a stream of purplish gas had just been emitted.

He watched as Remus’ eyes flickered between him and the potion he held, teeth bared in a silent growl. 

“Okay, Severus,” he snarled, “You win, go on then. Do it.”

Severus hesitated only briefly, a flash of fear taking him over at the thought of overdosing once more. His nose and throat both gave sympathetic twinges at the thought, as if agreeing that sniffing this potion was not going to help his case to Remus in anyway whatsoever. He wasn’t even sure if he really wanted to keep sniffing, not with the fear of hurting himself the way he had- not if he had to survive. He banished that thought as fast as it came, strengthening his resolve to lift his arm, bringing the potion that much closer to his nose as he sought- rather pettily, a voice in the back of his mind supplied- to prove that Remus had no say in this part of his life.

He saw Remus bare his canines as he raised his arm, his heart pounding almost painfully against his ribs as he lifted the potion to hover just beneath his nose, catching only the briefest whiff of the solvent before Severus found the vial slapped viciously from his hand- the glass bottle shattering upon the ground- only seconds before he was backhanded across the cheek. 

It was the shock more than the sting of pain that had Severus stepping backward, his shoulder brushing against the bookshelf beside him, hand pressing against his cheek as he stared at Remus with a wide-eyed, opened-mouth look. 

He could see the minute tremors racing up and down Remus’ body as he fought to control himself against his anger at Severus’ action. 

“Remus,” Severus began with trepidation, flinching at the wild look in the werewolf’s eyes as he moved to shove Severus around and up again the bookshelf- their noses but an inch apart as Remus held the man in place, hands curled into the Potions Master’s robes.

The look was forceful; animalistic even in it’s intensity. Severus swallowed heavily, fear in his eyes as he saw Remus fighting the wolf, despite it all he still cautiously raised his arms to Remus’ shoulders, squeezing his fingers into the werewolf’s shoulders with the intention of helping the man get a hold of himself. 

Remus growled once before pushing forward and pressing his mouth to Severus’ in a hard and dominating kiss, forcing his tongue past hard lips and into the warm- if bitter tasting- cavern of Severus’ mouth. Questing and claiming all that it touched from teeth to tongue to the roof of his mouth, pulling away only to nip sharply at the man’s thin lips. It didn’t seem to matter that Severus was not responding to the kiss as Remus asserted his claim on the man before him, at least, not until the whimper of pain the spilt forth into Remus’ mouth as his nose brushed accidentally across Severus’ own. 

Pulling away, Remus pressed his forehead to Severus’ own, his eyes meeting his lover’s own, his gaze pleading almost as they stared at each other. 

“Severus,” He whispered, voice choked as if simply speaking caused him pain. 

Severus swallowed heavily, running his tongue over the swell of his lips, as he lifted a hand to Remus’ face, brushing strands of grey-flecked, brown hair behind his ears, the gesture tender in comparison to Remus’ kiss. 

Severus’ eyes were intent on what his hand was doing as it threaded through Remus’ hair, stroking down his neck, lingering over the pulse point, prolonging the moment until he looked back up to meet the werewolf’s eyes, his own gaze softening enough to encourage Remus to lean forward and brush a light, almost teasing kiss across his lips, easing up and allowing Severus room to move as he pulled away. 

“Remus-,” He sighed, as the werewolf moved to press little kisses to his throat and neck. “I didn’t mean…” 

A kiss to his lips stopped his words. “I know.” 

Severus shook his head a little, arms moving to hold Remus’ shoulders in a firmer grip as the werewolf’s circled his waist. “I’m-,”

Remus kissed his again, “I know, Severus,” He whispered against the man’s lips, “I know.” 

Severus initiated their next kiss, the gentle press of lips to lips, moving subtly against each other’s, a lap of tongue to lip before the kiss was ended once more, the barest of groans emitting from both parties. 

“I won’t…” Severus touched at Remus’ face, his eyes, “I’ll stop…” touched his cheek, finally to linger- the press of a thumb- on the werewolf’s lips. “If you want me to?” 

Remus’ kissed his finger, suckling the very tip into his mouth, moving his own hand to mirror the actions Severus had just used on him. “I won’t force you.” He whispered, taking Severus’ hand and pressing a kiss to the palm, “You don’t have to,” he kissed at Severus’ wrist, “Just be careful,” 

His eyes pleaded where his words could not, ‘I love you,’ they said as the words sat at the tip of his tongue, desperate to be released into the air, into Severus’ ear. But he held them back, content to keep them at bay when Severus reached for his hand, entwining their fingers together, a quite “I know,” spoken, “Me too,” 

It was enough. For now, it would always be enough. Their love was more than words.

\- - -

**Fin**.

\- - -


End file.
